Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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