It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
