i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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