sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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