Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
