he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
