Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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