Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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