i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
