While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
