He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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