oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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