im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
