i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
