No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
