We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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