don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
