If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
