she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Houston, we have a squirter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
