the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
