I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize