between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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