btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
