I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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