i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
