I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
