Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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