16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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