i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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