so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
