you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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