I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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