I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
