she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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