can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
