Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
