Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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