totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
