Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
