I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
