pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
