Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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