that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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