what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my shit smells like andre
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
