Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
