wrigley field is MILF paradise
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
