he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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