like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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