Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
