; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
