I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
