she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
