That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
