Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
