I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
