you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
