he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
