Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
