whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
