Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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