I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Welp...herpes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
