Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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