Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
