Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
