im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
