i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize